The Letter H
by TheNextFolchart
Summary: "Tell me, Lily Evans," asked the Sorting Hat, "why did you agree to come to Hogwarts?" / My (extremely last-minute) entry for the So You Think You Know Your Character Competition on HPFC. Chapter titles inspired by pop-pop-bananas. [Word Count: 6,920]
1. H is for Hatstall

**H is for HATSTALL**

* * *

When they dropped the Sorting Hat on her head and it fell over her eyes, Lily was the only one of all the first-years who put her hands around the brim and heaved it upwards.

"I like to be able to see, thanks," she said when McGonagall looked at her strangely.

_"Hmm, let's see,_" the Hat whispered in her ear, and Lily kept a placid expression on her face (even though it startled her and her heart was hammering), because everyone could see her and Severus had warned her not to let her Muggleborn-ness show on the very first day.

"Nice to meet you," she said kindly to the Hat.

"_So polite,_" the Hat mused. _"First student to address me politely in eons. Maybe forever._"

"Oh." Lily felt a blush creeping into her cheeks. "They must not have been brought up very well, then."

"_Many of them were brought up by wizards, Lily Evans. But not you. No, not you._"

* * *

"What the hell's she doing?" James whispered to Sirius Black. "Is she having a _conversation_ with it?"

"I dunno." Sirius craned his neck to see over a tall boy with white-blonde hair. "Oi! Evans! It's a Sorting, not a tea party!"

But he didn't say it loudly enough for anyone but James to hear.

* * *

_"There is an open-mindedness in you, Lily Evans,_" the Hat said, _"that would make Helga Hufflepuff proud._"

"Oh, that's so kind of you to say," Lily said with a smile. "So Hufflepuff, then?"

"_No. No, there is a better House for you, I think._"

"Ravenclaw?"

_"Not Ravenclaw._"

"Slytherin, then. With Severus."

"_Gryffindor, Lily Evans. You possess vast amounts of courage._"

She felt her mouth drop a little. "Listen," she said a little more quietly. "I dunno if you can tell, but I'm terrified to be here. Not brave whatsoever. I really think you'd better go with Hufflepuff."

* * *

"How long's it been?" Sirius asked. "Five minutes, yet? Is she a Hatstall?"

"Only four," James said. "But she might get there." He sighed enviously. "And to think we sat in a _compartment _with her!"

* * *

"If I end up in Gryffindor, I'll be the most cowardly student they've ever seen," Lily explained. "I really wish you'd reconsider."

"_Tell me, Lily Evans, why did you agree to come to Hogwarts_?"

"Because I got the letter. And Sev - "

"_Are you afraid to leave behind the world you know?_"

"Yes. Of course."

"_And you did it anyway?_"

"Only because Severus is with me."

_"So you found your _courage_ to come here out of _loyalty_ to your friend, is that right?_"

Lily didn't say anything.

"_Lily Evans, I have never been wrong about a student. But I'll let you in on a secret: every student has traits from every House within him or her. It's the House itself that cultivates the traits - the House itself that nurtures one characteristic over the others. My job is to determine which parts of you will best flourish when nurtured. And I can tell, Lily Evans, that you belong in GRYFFINDOR!"_

The last word was a shout that echoed through the Great Hall, and a very numb, very confused Lily stepped off the stool and went down to join her new family.

* * *

"So?" Sirius asked as the next student approached the Hat. "Hatstall, or not?"

James checked his watch and shook his head. "Four minutes and fifty-nine seconds."

"Ah, well. Almost."

* * *

_[Fiddler on the Roof Character Challenge: __Hodel - write about a child leaving home and venturing out into the world.__]_

_[Fiddler on the Roof Song Challenge: __Far From the Home I Love - write about leaving home for the first time.__]_

_[So You Think You Know Your Character Competition: Lily Evans - What traits do you share with your Hogwarts House?]_


	2. H is for Hobbies

**H is for HOBBIES**

* * *

Lily's quasi-Hatstall was the topic of conversation among the first-years for nearly a week. Students from other Houses approached her to ask where she'd almost ended up, and why the Hat chose Gryffindor, and whether she wanted to be friends anyway since she shared traits with all the rest of the students.

And for nearly a week, Lily was miserable.

Because not only was she overwhelmed by this new world and these new rules and this new fame, but she was also without Sev.

"Don't worry about him, Evans," James Potter said at breakfast one morning, draping an arm around her shoulder. She shrugged him off. "He's a Slytherin now. He's not allowed to associate with people like you."

She set down her fork with a clatter. "People like me? Muggleborns, you mean?"

"Yeah, that."

"Severus is my _friend_. And he will stay my friend, no matter what. You don't know anything, Potter."

And to prove her point, she jumped up from the table and marched to the Slytherin side of the Great Hall. "Lily?" Severus said when he saw her. "What are you doing over here?"

"I came to talk to you."

"About what?" The people around him had started to nudge each other and whisper.

"Are you the Hatstall?" a wiry fifth-year asked.

"No," Lily said - a little more sharply than she'd intended, but she was tired of answering this question. "A Hatstall is someone who takes five minutes or longer to Sort. I took four minutes and fifty-nine seconds. I'm just complex. Not a Hatstall."

The fifth-year let out a low, sarcastic whistle. "Look out, everyone, the Sorting Hat made a mistake," he said with a grin. "It put a know-it-all in the House of Buffoons!"

Lily blinked. "Severus? I really need to talk to you."

"Go on, Snape, your Gryffindor girlfriend needs to talk to you!"

"Shove off," muttered Severus, but he followed Lily out of the Great Hall. "What is it?"

"I wanted to know if - you know, we could spend some time together. Like we used to. I haven't seen you at all since we got here. I thought we could practice some magic, maybe? Or play Gobstones?"

He kept his face carefully arranged in a scowl. "Gobstones is a game for children."

"Oh. But we had such fun when you taught me back home!"

"We don't do that here, though."

"What about flying? You said you'd teach me how to fly."

"First-years aren't allowed."

She sighed. "Then _you _decide what we do. I'm not fussy about my hobbies."

"Your only hobbies are Gobstones and annoying me," Severus said dully.

She raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"You made me look like a fool in front of my House! I can't let people think I'm dating a mudblood."

She narrowed her eyes. "I have a number of hobbies outside Gobstones and _you_," she said. "I like to read, for instance. I like to bake. I like to wander around with my friends and do nothing at all but talk about what the future holds for us. And that last one, I thought you liked it, too, but I suppose Slytherin is bringing out the _brat _in you, so fine. Go back to your table and don't bother with me anymore."

He sighed. "No, Lily, I didn't mean it like - "

"I don't care how you meant it, it came out rather rudely!"

"I just - my reputation means a lot to me."

"I thought our _friendship _meant a lot to you."

He said nothing for a few seconds, then: "I'm sorry. I would love to wander around with you. Maybe on the weekend? We could walk around the Black Lake, I've heard there's a Giant Squid inside."

She gave him a small smile. "That sounds lovely. Thank you." She took his hand and squeezed it hard. "Really. Thank you." And she skipped back to the Gryffindors.

* * *

_[Fiddler on the Roof Character Challenge: __Constable - write about Severus Snape.__]_

_[Collect a Collection Competition: Severus Snape. Word Prompt: Fame]_

_[So You Think You Know Your Character Competition: Lily Evans - what are your character's hobbies?]_


	3. H is for Humiliate

**H is for HUMILIATE**

* * *

"Evans!"

Lily looked up from her homework. "Yes?" she said to James as he came to sit down next to her.

"What're you doing?"

"Homework. Transfiguration."

"Transfiguration's easy," James said. "Leave it until tomorrow and come play Gobstones with us!"

She bit her lip. "Gobstones is a game for children," she said, but in the back of her mind she desperately wanted to.

"A game for children?" James repeated. "Oh, Lily. Lily, Lily, Lily. You poor, deprived soul."

"Is it not for children?"

"No, it is. But it's still fun. Come on, you can join my team."

"I thought I was on your team?" Sirius Black, who was obviously eavesdropping, called from the other side of the common room.

"You can be on Peter's team."

"I thought _I _was on Peter's team?" Remus Lupin said.

"You are. You can have a team of three." James turned back to Lily. "What do you say? Play with us? I'll bet you a galleon our team wins."

Lily smiled politely. "Thank you for the offer, but I have to focus on my studies."

"Oh, come on, Evans, just - "

"Please don't badger me. I told you I want to finish my homework."

"What about when you're done, then?"

She shook her head, eyes fixed on the quill in her hand. "I have plans with someone."

"Who?" James demanded. "Sirius?"

"Not Sirius." She glanced over at the boy in question who was laughing as the Gobstones squirted ink all over Remus' face. "I don't think I'd be able to handle him, to be honest."

"Who, then?"

"Severus Snape, if you must know. He's my friend from home, we've made plans to walk around the Black Lake for awhile."

James snorted. "Snivellus Snape?"

"Don't call him that."

"Come on, Lily, just play one round with us. He can wait."

She shook her head. "I don't _want _him to wait. I really dislike being late. And I'll go crazy if I have my unfinished homework hanging over my head. Maybe we can play Gobstones when I get back?"

James sighed. "Suit yourself, I s'pose. But he _is _a Slytherin, you know."

"I know. And I don't care. There's a bit of Slytherin in me, you know."

Sirius snorted. "A bit of Slytherin in you?" he repeated. "Which one?"

Lily's face turned bright red as she realized his joke, and she flung her Transfiguration book into her rucksack. "Don't bother waiting up for me," she snapped. "I don't think I'm in the mood to play with any of you."

Sirius grinned. "Aw, you'll let the Slytherin play with you, but not us?"

She whipped her head around to glare at him. "How would you like it if I made sex jokes about you and your cousin Narcissa?" she snapped. "Because I've been talking to Emily Vanity, and she says the two of you snogged at a Christmas party last year."

"Woah," Peter Pettigrew said. "Is that _true_?"

Sirius clenched his jaw.

"Not so fun when it's _you _being humiliated, eh, Black?" Lily said with a grim smirk.

"Sirius, is it _true_?" Peter asked again.

"It's normal in my family," he tried to explain, but his friends were already roaring with laughter, and Lily was marching up to her dormitory.

* * *

_[Collect A Collection Competition: James Potter (Marauder's Era)]_

_[So You Think You Know Your Character Competition: Lily Evans - what does your character dislike?]_


	4. H is for Hogwarts

**H is for HOMESICK**

* * *

It wasn't until a month later that Lily found enough time to sit down and write a decent letter home.

_Dear Petunia _- because "Tuney" sounded too young, too informal; it sounded like _friends_, and Lily wasn't so sure her sister wanted to be friends anymore.

_It's marvelous here at Hogwarts. I wish you could see it! I was Sorted into Gryffindor - there are four Houses, and in order to determine which House you belong in, they put a magic talking hat on your head! Gryffindor House is the one where they put courageous and loyal people. But the Hat told me that the truth is, anyone could thrive in any House. The House you're in helps to bring out certain qualities in you. So because I'm a Gryffindor, I'm going to inevitably learn how to be more brave. Isn't that _amazing_?_

_My classes are going extremely well, although I've fallen into the bad habit of putting off my homework. It's only happened twice now, but I see a lot of others - one boy comes to mine, actually, his name is James Potter - constantly leaving their homework until the night before, or sometimes even the morning of! I try to take excellent class notes to make up for it. How are your classes going? Are you excited about starting the year at a new school? _

_(Are you excited that you get to do your homework without me around?)_

_I'm not excited without you. I was positively petrified when I got my first glimpse of Hogwarts. I had to take a train there, you see, and then when a tiny rowboat that took me across a lake to the castle. It was colossal, with towers and flags and candles floating in every window. It looked like it had room for thousands of people, probably, but at the same time it looked cozy, like a nice place to sit in a corner and get lost in a book. _

_And it was then, during my first glimpse of my new home, that I realized desperately wanted to go home._

_Oh, I'm fine now, of course, but on that boat ride all I wanted to do was jump out and go back to you._

_Because I miss you -_ here she paused for only a moment before writing _- Tuney. I miss you a lot. And the only way Hogwarts will ever truly feel like a home is if you're here with me._

_Please write back. You can just give your letter to the owl, she'll know how to find me. Or, if that makes you feel uncomfortable, I suppose you can just wait and see me at Christmas._

_I hope you're doing well. I hope you don't hate me anymore._

_I'm sorry, if you still do._

_All my love,_

_Lily._

But as she blew on the ink to dry it - as she carried it up to the owlry - as she tied it to the leg of a great tawny bird - as she watched it fly away -

- she knew there would be no return letter.

* * *

_[100 Prompts challenge: bad habit; notes; excited]_

_[So You Think You Know Your Character: Lily Evans - how did you feel the first time you saw Hogwarts?]_


	5. H is for Holidays

**H is for HOLIDAYS**

* * *

When Christmas rolled around, Lily's name was first on the list of students going home.

"Why would you want to do _that_?" Sev asked, horrified.

"I want to see my family." She was walking backwards, lugging her trunk with both hands. "Help me down the stairs, will you?"

"I don't see why you're taking so much stuff," he said, taking hold of the handle on the other side and lifting it. "It's only two weeks."

"Well, I don't want to get behind on my studies." She kept looking over her shoulder so she didn't trip. "So I've got to bring all my textbooks. And I'm bringing home souvenirs for my family, too."

"Yeah?" They were at the bottom of the staircase. Sev motioned for her to let him carry the trunk. "What kind of souvenirs?"

"A silver necklace for my mum," she said, ticking them off on her fingers. "It used to be just a string, but I transfigured it. McGonagall worked with me so I could learn how before the holidays."

"Very nice. Your mum will love it."

"Thanks. I hope so."

"What about for your dad?"

"I brewed him a Shrinking Solution." She grinned mischievously. "He can use it on Mum's terrible cooking, so it looks like he's eaten it all."

Sev laughed. They were outside now, and Lily could see her breath hanging in the air like steam. "Look," she cried, exhaling heavily. "I'm the Hogwarts Express!"

Sev laughed again and set her trunk down. "Let me rest for a second," he said, sitting on the trunk and looking out over the lake. "Remember the first time we crossed that lake?"

She nodded. "I just wrote my sister about it a few weeks ago." She sighed, and a new cloud shot out of her mouth. "She didn't reply. I should've known she wouldn't."

"What souvenir are you bringing her?"

"A book."

"What book?"

"A muggle book. You wouldn't have heard of it."

"Nothing magical for Petunia?"

She shook her head. "She wouldn't want something like that."

* * *

"Welcome home, Lily!" her mum cried when she stepped off the train, dragging her trunk with both hands again. Her father stood a few yards away with a scowling Petunia. "I want to hear all about it. Every detail!"

Lily smiled as they walked toward the car. "Hi, Tuney?" she said. It came out like a question.

Petunia scowled harder. "Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's not my name."

"Petunia, then. Hullo, _Petunia_."

"Hi."

Lily slid into the backseat and strapped herself in. "How have you been?"

Petunia wouldn't look at her sister. "Fine. And you?"

"Oh, I've been excellent! I was Sorted into Gryffindor House - but you know all about that, I told you in my letter."

Petunia looked straight ahead and raised her eyebrows. "I didn't receive a letter from you."

"No? I sent it with an owl from the school's - "

"Oh, I came into contact with an owl," Petunia interrupted. "But I burned the letter it was holding."

"_Tuney_," scolded their mother.

"You burned my letter?" Lily asked.

"Yes." Petunia sniffed. "I have no time for freakish beasts from your freakish school."

"Tuney, that's _enough_."

"I would've sent it by normal post," Lily explained, "only we don't have that at Hogwarts, we only have the owls. But here." She rummaged through her rucksack, where she'd stowed her family's presents for easy access. "I brought you something. Happy early Christmas, Petunia."

Petunia took the package carefully. "Is it something freakish?"

"No. No, it's normal."

She pulled off the paper and stared at the book in her hands. "Pride and Prejudice?"

Lily nodded. "It's about two sisters - well, five sisters, really, but two _main _ones - just like you and me. And I know you love books. . . ."

"Thank you," Petunia said, and there was a touch of warmth in her voice. "This is a lovely gift." She flipped to the first page, where Lily had scratched a small inscription with her quill, and began to read.

"You're welcome," Lily said softly.

Her hand felt curiously empty without her wand.

* * *

_[Fiddler on the Roof Character Challenge: __Chava - write about a girl who loves books__]_

_[So You Think You Know Your Character Competition: Lily Evans - what sort of relationship do you have with your family?]_


	6. H is for Hurt

**H is for HURT**

* * *

When the holidays were over, Lily found herself spending more and more time with, of all people, James Potter.

Or rather, she was spending time with _Remus Lupin_, and James Potter just kept popping up everywhere they went.

"I don't really understand this one," Lily said, pointing to a passage in her Transfiguration book. She and Remus were in the library, studying for a Transfiguration quiz, and James was lurking around the corner throwing books at the heads of random passersby. "I know it's possible to change living creatures into objects, but how can you change an object into a living creature? Would the creature not have a soul? Or does the spell _create _a soul? And then when you transfigure it back, does the soul die and go to Heaven like normal souls, or does it just continue to reside in the object, or - "

"Calm down, Evans," James drawled from the other side of the bookshelf, tossing a particularly flimsy novel at a second-year. It collided with the back of his head and made him yelp. James retracted his head and pretended to be extremely busy studying Ancient Runes.

"That's a poor disguise, Potter," Lily snapped. "Seeing as you don't even _take _Ancient Runes."

He closed the book and moved around to the study table. "I happen to be fascinated by Ancient Runes, Miss Know-It-All," he said, but he was smiling. Lily rolled her eyes. "And to answer your question, no, the living creatures do not have souls. They're held together by magic, and if you leave them alone long enough they turn back into objects."

"I don't recall asking _you_."

"You didn't address anyone specifically, and I thought I'd help you out. Remus obviously didn't know."

Remus, who had his nose buried in the textbook, looked up at his name. "What?"

James smirked. "Are you lot coming to lunch?"

Lily shook her head. "I've got to keep studying. Remus, you can go if you want. I think Sev was going to meet me so we could work on Potions anyway."

"Oh, you'd better leave, Remus," James said. "Wouldn't want to be the third wheel on Lily's date with Snivellus."

She rolled her eyes. "Potter, you should know that the only reason I haven't hexed you into oblivion is that if anything happened to you, Remus would never study with me again."

"_Au contraire,_" Remus said, grinning. "By all means, hex him. You'd be doing everyone a favor."

"No need to be rude," James said, feigning hurt feelings, but he left her alone.

She was only alone for a few minutes before Sev arrived. "Perfect timing," Lily said, closing her Transfiguration book and pulling out her Potions notes. "I was thinking we'd start with - "

"Settle down, I haven't even had a chance to sit down yet," Sev said, setting his bag on the table.

"I just want to do this quickly, so I have time for lunch!"

"All right, all right." He sat next to her and bent over her notes. "You study far too much, you know? More than the fifth-years, even, and they've got OWLs coming up."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to cut down," she said sarcastically.

"Honestly, though, I've never seen anyone else use the library as often as you do."

She shrugged. "I have a lot of catching up to do. Everyone else has had eleven years to come to terms with magic, and I'm just getting started."

"Well, relax. You're already better than most of them - better than _I_ am at Potions."

"Thanks." She grinned.

"So how about we skip the studying for once and just go have lunch?"

"Okay." She packed up her things, still smiling. "That's why I love you, Sev. You're so good at making me feel confident in myself."

"Ah, well." He shrugged. "Just doing my best, I suppose."

As they were walking out of the library, a book sailed out from nowhere and collided with Sev's nose.

"OI!" he shouted, clamping his hands over his face. His eyes watered with pain. "What the _hell _was that?"

Lily's eyes narrowed. "James Potter, come out _right now_."

James emerged from behind the bookcase, grinning sheepishly. "Hullo."

"What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Oh, you know, just wanted to make sure you and Snivelly were really studying the books."

"Oh, so hanging around when Remus is here isn't enough anymore? You have to _spy _on me?"

"I just - "

"No, Potter, you know what? Just stay away from me. Don't ever come near me again."

"Woah, Evans, calm down, I just - "

"I will _hurt you _if you ever talk to me again." She put her arm around Severus. "Come on, Sev, let's go to lunch."

As soon as they were out of the library, Sev dropped his hands from his nose. "Thanks for that," he said stiffly, "but I don't need you to fight my battles for me."

She blinked. "I know," she said, but her face was slightly red. "I was just putting Potter in his place. It was for me, not for you."

(But that wasn't the truth at all, and she didn't quite know how to talk to Sev after that day.)

* * *

_[100 Prompts challenge: Hit by an object (bonus points if deliberate); "I will hurt you if you ever talk to me again!"; "Just stay away from me. Don't ever come near me again."; "I'm trying to cut down."; "I saw them in the library. They weren't studying the books."]_

_[So You Think You Know Your Character: Lily Evans - who are your friends, and why?]_

_[Fiddler on the Roof Character Challenge: __Avram: Write about Flourish and Blotts. Alternatively, write about about the Hogwarts Library.__]_


	7. H is for Healer

**H is for HEALER**

* * *

It wasn't until much later - the beginning of her fifth year - that Lily realized her calling.

"I think I'm going to be a Healer," she said to McGonagall during her Career Advice session. "I know I'll need Transfiguration, Potions, Herbology, Charms, and - oh, I'm forgetting one."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts," McGonagall said.

"Right. Defense. Well, I'm already doing well in all those classes, except maybe Defense, but if I work hard on that one I think I could get enough OWLs. What do you think?"

McGonagall leaned forward and braced her elbows against her desk. "I think - and I don't say this to many students - that you will succeed in whichever field you choose, Miss Evans."

Lily's mouth split into a grin. "Oh, Professor, that's not true. I could never be a teacher, for example. I don't have the patience. I don't know how you do it."

McGonagall smiled. "You'd make a fine Professor, Miss Evans, and Hogwarts would be lucky to have you."

She laughed. "I'm going to be a Healer," she said firmly. "Something happened last summer, and I know I need to be involved with medicine."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Well . . . my sister got engaged. That's where it starts, I suppose."

* * *

_"Mum," Petunia announced, coming downstairs for breakfast. "Dad. I've got news."_

_Lily looked around the empty kitchen. "I'm the only one down here," she said._

_But, as usual, Petunia didn't acknowledge that her sister had spoken. "Vernon and I went out last night. To the park, where we met so many years ago."_

_"You met Vernon at a park?" Lily leaned her elbow against the counter. "I didn't know that."_

_She was ignored. "He waited until the sun had gone down, and all the children had gone home, and then he told me he loves me, and he can't imagine his life without me, and he asked me - he asked me - oh, look!" She held out her left hand, where a silver band sporting blue sapphires encircled her fourth finger. "We're engaged! I'm bloody _engaged!_"_

_"And you're __young__," Lily said, reaching out to examine her sister's hand. "You're seventeen."_

_"I'll be eighteen in the fall, and what do you care, anyway?"_

_"I don't." Lily looked alarmed. "No, Tuney, really, I'm happy for you!"_

_"Thank you." Petunia looked at her, really _looked _at her, for the first time in years. "I'm happy that you're happy, Lils."_

_"I'm happy that you're happy that I'm - no, I'm stopping this here."_

_Petunia was grinning again. "He's coming over for breakfast to meet everybody."_

_"Wait, he hasn't met Mum and Dad yet?"_

_"No." The doorbell chimed, and Petunia let out an uncharacteristic giggle. "That's him, that's him!" She raced to open the door. "Vernon," she said, ushering her guest inside. "This is my sister, Lily. Lily, this is my fiancé!"_

* * *

"And he was the fattest man I'd ever seen in my life," Lily finished. "I was actually scared for him, health-wise. But if this person makes my sister happy, I have to do everything I can to keep him around. Which is why I've decided to go into medicine. So that maybe I can guide him to a healthier lifestyle."

McGonagall had her mouth pressed into a thin line. "You care deeply for your sister."

Lily nodded. "She's family."

"Well, I certainly hope she appreciates you." She Vanished her notes. "I'm afraid our Career Advice session is over, but if you ever change your mind about this career, my door is always open."

Lily stood. "Thank you, Professor. But I won't change my mind."

* * *

_[100 Prompts: "I'm happy for you." "I'm happy that you're happy." "I'm happy that you're happy that I'm - no, I'm stopping this here."]_

_[So You Think You Know Your Character Competition: Lily Evans - what are your goals for the future?]_


	8. H is for History

**H is for HISTORY**

* * *

"Let me get this straight," Sev said as they walked around the Black Lake. "You spent all year long studying your arse off to be a Healer."

"Yes."

"Because you're afraid for your brother-in-law."

"Brother-in-law-to-be, yes."

"Because he's the fattest man you've ever seen?"

"Yes."

"And even though he doesn't like you - "

"He'll like me plenty when I'm saving his life!"

" - and even though your sister doesn't like you - "

"This conversation is getting me down, Sev."

" - you still sacrificed your entire magical education to help them?"

"Not _sacrificed_. I still learned loads. And I'm taking OWLs in every subject, anyway, so I can change my mind later if something changes."

Sev snorted. "Like what, your fat brother-in-law dies of a heart attack before you make it out of school?"

Lily groaned. "That's not very tasteful, but yes, I suppose that was my thought process."

"What did you want to be before you met Fat Vernon?"

"Hm." Lily stopped to kick a small rock out of her way. "A long time ago, before I knew I was a witch, I wanted to be a writer."

"What kind of writer?"

"Any kind. Novelist. Journalist. Didn't matter." She giggled. "Tuney and I - I'd forgotten all about this - we used to publish our own family newspaper. I wrote the articles, she did the illustrations. And we'd interview Mum and Dad for the cover, and write about Tuney's football matches for the sports section, and I had a little nature column where I'd report the weather." She trailed off. "It wasn't a serious option," she said finally.

"Your eyes sparkle when you laugh," Sev said quietly.

"What?"

"I said, what was your first serious option?"

"Oh." She bit her lip. "Huh. I wanted to be a shop owner when I was ten. I wanted to sell clothes."

"I meant your serious option after you met _me_."

"After I knew I was a witch, you mean?" Lily conjured a bench - she was getting quite good at Charms - and sat down. Sev sat beside her. "I sort of wanted to work in Diagon Alley, I suppose. At Gringotts."

Sev snorted. "You're much too pretty to work at _Gringotts_."

She laughed. "It wouldn't have worked out anyway, I'm rubbish at keeping secrets."

"What was next?"

"Next. Hmm. I wanted to be landlady at the Leaky Cauldron. And after that I wanted to play professional Quidditch - that was before James pointed out I'm terrible at flying." She shrugged. "I've wanted to be just about everything. What about you?"

"Professor," he said.

"Ooh, I didn't know that! Which subject?"

He shrugged. "Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Lily bit her lip. "Are you sure you meant to say _Defense_?" she said, and suddenly everything was heavier.

"Of course I meant to say Defense."

"Hm." She didn't look convinced. "I know what goes on in those secret dungeon meetings, Sev."

"No, you don't."

"I do. You're going to join You-Know-Who. Don't you dare deny it."

"I'm _thinking _about it," he corrected.

Lily stood. "I think that's a cowardly thing to do," she said in a low voice. "And I think you know better, Severus Snape." She began to walk away.

"You could join, too, you know," he said, hurrying to follow her. "You're not like other mudbloods, you're talented, I'll vouch for you."

She froze. "Don't call me a mudblood. Don't do it ever again."

"Why not? You've never cared before."

"Well, _before _I didn't realize exactly how offensive it was. But I've since been enlightened."

"Who - "

"Oi! Evans!" James was waving at her from across the lake. "You up for some Quidditch? I'll play blindfolded, so it's fair!"

Severus cursed under his breath. "It was Potter, wasn't it."

She didn't look at him. "Why does it matter?"

"He's against me, he's always been against me, you know that."

"Well, maybe he's got the right idea about some things."

Sev looked like he'd swallowed a mouthful of ink. "What?"

"You're not very _nice_, Severus."

"What do you mean?"

"You call me names. You belittle my life choices. You're thinking about joining bloody You-Know-Who. You've _changed_."

"That's just because - "

"Evans!" James hollered again. "I'll go blindfolded _and _tie my hands behind my back!"

"Later, Potter, give me a minute!" Lily called back.

Sev's eyes narrowed. "You've changed, too. You're hanging out with Potter. You're basing your own life around your sister's."

Lily closed her eyes. "I have nothing left to say to you," she said, but after only a few paces she whirled around to face him again. "You know what I used to want to be when I grew up?" she asked.

"Yeah, a writer or whatever you said before."

"I wanted to be something worthy of the Great Severus Snape's _praise_. I wanted you to be proud of me. But you never will be, will you. Because no matter what I do, no matter who I am, I will always be a mudblood to you before all else."

And she walked away from him.

* * *

_[So You Think You Know Your Character Competition: Lily Evans - what _were _your goals for the future, and why did they change?]_


	9. H is for Heart

**H is for HEART**

* * *

"Oi. Sleepyhead. Wake up."

Lily kept her eyes closed and moaned. "What?"

James poked her arm. "It's two in the bloody morning and you fell asleep on my legs."

"Oh." Lily sat up and stretched. "Sorry."

His glasses had fallen off in his sleep, and he searched along the floor for a moment before he found and replaced them on his nose. "No, it's fine. I think you needed this."

She nodded. "I did. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He leaned over and brushed her cheek with his fingertips. "Dried tears," he explained. "I thought I could brush them away, but . . . they're dried . . . so . . ."

She began to wipe at her face. "I'm sorry I cried all over you," she added.

"No apology necessary." He pulled her into a one-armed hug, and then winced.

"Are you okay?"

"Back's a little sore from sleeping on the floor," he said. They were lying on the carpet in the Gryffindor common room, just in front of the fireplace, and Lily couldn't exactly remember when she'd given him permission to hold her like this, but she didn't mind. "So are you okay now?"

She shrugged. "I will be. It's hard, you know? It's not every day you lose a best friend."

"I know." He looked truly sorry, which didn't make sense, because he was _James Potter_, he hated Sev, he hated Slytherins.

(But, if last night's confessions were to be believed, he loved Lily.)

"He was always jealous of you," she said softly. "He didn't like me spending any time with you. Even just a quick Quidditch match."

"Well, to be fair, I didn't like you spending any time with him."

She forced the obligatory laugh. "Did you really?"

He nodded. "It hurt to see you with him. Because I was always sort of wishing it were me."

She swallowed. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I wanted to. I _did_, a few times, when I asked you out to Hogsmeade."

"Oh." She felt her face begin to grow red. "Oh, I didn't realize that was _serious_!"

"It wasn't Sirius. It was me."

She rolled her eyes. "I didn't realize you legitimately wanted me, I mean. I thought it was a joke. I thought you were making fun of me."

James shook his head. "I wasn't."

"I'm sorry I turned you down so harshly, then." She laughed - a genuine one this time. "I'm not as smart as I think I am, apparently."

"You're smart. You're brilliant."

"No, I'm not. I'm _blind._ I couldn't see that Sev was verbally abusing me for six straight years. I couldn't see that you liked me. Hang on, is that why you always used to come to the library when Remus and I wanted to study?"

He nodded sheepishly. "And also to throw books," he added.

She laughed. "You're persistent, I'll give you that."

"Yeah." He licked his lips. "So. Can I ask . . . is it mutual?"

She was silent.

He swore. "It's not. Okay. That's okay. That's fine."

"No, shush, I'm thinking about it."

He closed his mouth and waited.

It was four minutes and fifty-nine seconds later when she answered him:

"I think it could be mutual."

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Really?"

"I dunno. I'd have to spend more time with you, I suppose. I've never had a boyfriend. I don't know how to tell where my heart truly lies."

He still had his arm around her. "Can I kiss you?" he whispered, and it wasn't arrogant, or snarky, or any of the things she had learned to expect from him, no, it was sweet, and afraid, and _honest_.

So she nodded.

And when his lips touched hers for the first time - when his hands tangled up in her hair - when hers looped around his neck - the heart in question _soared_.

* * *

_[So You Think You Know Your Character: Lily Evans - where does your heart truly lie?]_

_[100 Prompts: "It hurts to see you with him. It hurts because I wish it were me."]_

_[Collect A Collection Competition: James Potter (Order Members) Word Prompt: First]_


	10. H is for Hate

**H is for HATE**

* * *

"Snape is outside the common room again," Remus reported when he came in from dinner. "He's threatening to sleep out there if you don't go talk to him, Lily."

Lily, who was lying across the couch with her legs draped over James' lap, shook her head. "Tell him to go ahead. I have nothing to say to him."

"Oh, just do it," Peter Pettigrew said. "You know you'll have to face him eventually."

"I don't want his apology. I don't want him to try to win me back. I don't want a lecture. And I've avoided him for nearly two weeks, what makes you think I'll ever have to face him again?"

"Lily," Sirius moaned. "I can smell him from here. Just talk to him so he goes _away_."

Lily gritted her teeth and swung herself up into a sitting position. "You know I hate him."

"Two weeks ago he was your best friend."

"Two weeks ago I was in denial."

"Just go," Sirius whined, and Lily went.

* * *

"Lily?" Severus said when she stepped out of the portrait hole.

"I don't have anything to say to you, Severus, so please get off my doorstep."

"I just need to apologize. I didn't realize I was hurting your feelings."

"But you knew _that word _was an insult?"

"Yes."

"So you _realized _you were _insulting _me, you just thought I was too stupid to notice?"

He licked his lips. "Lily," he began. "I want to say - "

"Go _away_."

"I love you."

The words came tumbling out; one look at his face and Lily knew he hadn't meant to say them. "Excuse me?"

"I - you're my best friend."

"No, I believe you said you _loved _me."

"I - I do."

"Why is this only coming up _now_?"

"Because - we were friends, and I didn't want to ruin - "

"Well, you did ruin it!" Lily cried. "You ruined everything. I could forgive you if it was just a few things, just a slip of the tongue, but _Sev! _You legitimately believe I am less of a person than you because I have two muggle parents and you've only got one."

He flinched horribly.

"And you're ashamed of your father, aren't you? Because he's not magical? _Merlin_, Severus!" She shook her head. "You know what the Sorting Hat told me five years ago?"

"What?"

"It told me that everyone has traits from every House within them, and that it's the House itself that brings out certain characteristics over other ones. And it looks like Slytherin has brought out the prejudice in you." She shook her head. "If there's one thing I hate - if there's one thing I _can't _forgive - it's prejudice. Because in spite of everything you know about me, you still can't _respect _me."

He let out a sigh. "We are not the same people who got off that train in our first year, are we."

"No." And her tone was suddenly gentler. "Neither of us are."

She looked at him strangely, eyes flicking down from his gaze to his lips, and for _justamoment _he thought she was going to kiss him.

"Goodbye, Sev."

And she disappeared into the portrait hole.

* * *

"How'd it go?" James asked.

She shrugged. "Oh, you know. He confessed his love to me."

James was on his feet. "And you said?"

"I told him I'd marry him at first dawn." Lily collapsed back on the couch. "What do you _think _I said?"

"No, I hope," James muttered.

She reached up for him, and when he took her hands she pulled him down and kissed him. "I said no."

* * *

_[So You Think You Know Your Character Competition: Lily Evans - what do you truly hate?]_


	11. H is for Harry

**H is for HARRY**

* * *

"Lily!" James yelled from downstairs. "Take Harry and go! It's him! Run! Go! I'll hold him off!"

And she didn't know how it had gotten to this point, couldn't pinpoint when life had been reduced to running and hiding and leaving her husband downstairs to die, and the Sorting Hat's words were suddenly echoing in her mind: _I can tell, Lily Evans, that you belong in GRYFFINDOR!_

But the Hat was _wrong_, it was _wrongwrongwrong, _she wasn't brave, she was terrified, she was screaming, she couldn't do this, it was too much, there was too much pressure, and _this wasn't supposed to have happened, where did it go wrong, why did it go wrong_?"

"Lily," James said, and he was standing at the bottom of the stairs while she stood at the top, and she knew, without knowing how, that this was the last time they were going to see each other. "Lily, I love you. I love you more than anything in the world - more than my own life - "

"Stop," she said. "James, _stop it._"

But he didn't, because he knew, too, and it was the same sweet-scared-honest voice he'd used that first night so many years ago. "And I am proud to fight for you, to die for you, to sacrifice everything I have for you. What else can I give but my entire being?"

"_Stop, _James. We're going to be okay. We're going to be fine."

"Tell me you love me," he begged, and then the door was blasted off its hinges, and James hurtled out of sight.

"No," Lily whispered, dropping Harry in his crib and wrapping her trembling hand around her wand. "No, no, no, no - "

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

" - no, no, no, no, no, no, no - "

And then he was there, in front of her, and a true Gryffindor would have fought but all Lily could do was beg.

"Not Harry. Please, not Harry. Kill me instead."

"Stand aside, you silly girl," he hissed, but she didn't.

"Kill me instead," she said a little more loudly. Her wand had fallen out of her hand, but she didn't bend to pick it up. Somehow the knowledge that it was going to happen - that she was going to _die tonight _- brought her strength. She wasn't shaking anymore. The Sorting Hat was pounding in her head: _Gryffindor, Gryffindor, Gryffindor._ "Not my son. Not Harry."

"This is your final warning. Move out of the way."

"Kill me instead!" she screamed, and for a moment, Voldemort looked almost afraid.

"_Avada Kedavra_."

By the time she hit the ground, she was already gone.

* * *

_[100 Prompts: __"I will fight for you. I will die for you. I will sacrifice everything I have for you. What else can I give but my entire being?"__]_

_[So You Think You Know Your Character Competition: Lily Evans - how do you react under pressure?]_


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